Two days ago, I found Carrie in her room in the strangest of situations. She was sitting up in bed with tears rolling down her cheeks. The worst part was she had wrapped the cord to the window blinds around her neck and tied them there.
I know, babyproofing 101…wrap up the cord to the window blinds. But she’s almost ten years old! I didn’t think I still needed to do that!
Carrie had intentionally wrapped the cord tightly and tied a bulky knot, so as we worked her loose and firmly explained that she can’t do something like that, her crying got worse, probably because she was being scolded in addition to whatever situation made her do that in the first place. I laid down in bed with her for over an hour, listening to her cry and talk, while I tried to make sense of anything she was saying.
Everything she said was in English, but it was so disjointed that it might as well have been a different language. Her mind jumped from topic to topic in a series of cries that didn’t even make sense. Taken as a whole, the only common thread I could find was that she’s very stressed out at school, not by peer interaction, but by the actual schoolwork.
None of her sayings explained the leap to wrapping the thick cord around her neck. Was it a suicide attempt? Was it something she had seen on TV? Was all of the medication she takes causing depression symptoms? Was she playing a game where she was the doggie on a leash and her stuffed animal was taking her for a walk? We can’t know, because Carrie can’t tell us. With nothing else to fall back on, we have to go with the worst case scenario and protect her at all costs, so of course we alerted the school and her doctor.
My biggest fear isn’t that Carrie was trying to kill herself, because even I’m having trouble making the leap to that situation. What really worries me is thinking about Carrie sitting alone in her room, knowing that she wants to tell us something important and let us know how overwhelmed she feels, but also knowing that she can’t. I’m heartbroken that she may have had to resort to a drastic demonstration just to try to get her point across.
Oh how scary for you, and how heartbreaking too. You guys will be in my prayers. Keep her close and give her an extra kiss good night.
Trust me, she’s asleep in my bed right now! Husband was shepherding older child at her after-school activity so I didn’t dare leave her alone in another room. We watched Megamind in my bed. Blissful.
Will definitely pray for you. Be strong.
Thank you so much!
How horribly scary! I’m so sorry that happened, I can’t even imagine how helpless you must feel in a situation like that. You are all in my heart and prayers. I pray for better day today Lorca. Hugs.
Thanks so much. The scary part is not knowing why and not knowing what to do to help her.
Oh, how scary. That made my eyes swell with tears, which doesn’t happen often with me. I have an autie child that gets very overwhelmed with school work. He feels like it’s a huge struggle everyday to get it done and he is such a perfectionist that he’s terrified of making a mistake. He also has been unable to find the words to express it until recently (he’s about to turn 11). He feels that he isn’t good at school and that everyone else is always academically better. His confidence gets down and he gets extraordinarily discouraged, even though you would not know that he even cared or worried what his peers think. I was shocked to find out recently that he does. He has just been unable to express it. It sounds to me like maybe she was having a meltdown and the cord was a self injurious behavior. When me or my middle son have meltdowns we say lots of stuff that doesn’t make sense. Language is elusive and it all comes out in jumbles. When my nonverbal, cog. delayed autie gets overstressed he just cries and hurts himself. Maybe, she just needs lots of extra praise to get her confidence up? Do you think her school work may actually be too hard and she needs more help, or modified assignments? Sorry, if I am way off the mark. I’m just trying to offer any solutions that I can think of to the situation.
I think you are completely on target. What makes all the difference for us, though, (and I realize not all families have it this good), is that I texted her special ed teacher immediately after it happened, even though it was 10pm. She and both of Carrie’s classroom teachers were waiting for me when I dropped her off in the morning, ready to address this problem. THEY even said, “This is the first year Carrie’s been required to do homework, and she’s just not ready. No homework. We’ll gradually add it back in over the next few months.” I know, I’m so lucky to have this school and their personnel.
I think you’re right, though. I spent the entire summer preparing Carrie for fourth grade and telling her how she’ll have to do more things now that she’s the big kid in school. It was probably too much pressure all at once. It doesn’t help that she’s hitting puberty and is having the hormonal changes that go with it.
Thanks for reading and for being so supportive! Best of luck to your family, too!